Hi me! I've noticed you are triggered and under stress all day. Wanna talk about it?
!!!!
Ok, let's take it easy-
BUT IT'S NOT EASY!!!!! AAH!!!
Ok, it's not easy. You're scared.
I AM SO SCARED YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
It's gonna be ok.
But what if we get evicted again *sobs*
I hightly doubt that will happen, at all. Even if it did, it would take months and we'd somehow survive. I know we don't want that to happen, but we learned from last time and we had some opportunity to heal since. We're at least a little bit better off now.
I can't face it. I can't survive that. Not again.
I know... I know. It is super scary!
I get all dissociated and dizzy, having this hang over me.
But it doesn't really... hang over you, does it?
What do you mean!
Just that no one's talking about eviction or anything. The new landlord who bought the house wants to keep me as a tenant.
Yeah but we don't have a home insurance even though the contract says we have to have one!!! And also we don't have money for rent!
We might still make rent. And I'm gonna get that insurance.
But you don't have a finnish identity code!!!! And you CANT GET ONE!!!!
Not immediately, no, but I'm working towards it. I'm doing one step at a time and it's gonna work out. We made it this far :')
We shouldn't have.
What do you mean?
We shouldn't have done all these crazy things! Move country illegally and all that!!! Look at you now!!! >:((( You're begging on the internet and your legal status is precarious!
It's not that bad. But that's not really the issue, is it? Did you really want to stay in germany?
No.
That's ok. I can tell you're hurting. I'm not mad at you.
I'm not hurting...
But you were scared just a moment ago?
I mean, I guess...
Or did you want ME to be scared?
I AM you!!!
Right... Sorry this is confusing. You don't feel as different from me as a system mate. But you kinda come across like an introject right now. Or like a part of me that is weighed down by very old messages that were shoved down our throat...
Truth is timeless. There's nothing "old" about it!
True. What is the truth, then?
That you're stupid and doomed to failure!
Thanks for the advice. Anything else?
What.
I hear your opinion. Do you want to elaborate, or add to it?
...
You want me to be upset, scared or angry, don't you?
EITHER OF THOSE WOULD BE ACCEPTABLE!!!!! >:(
Thank you for the information :)
Don't you mock me!
I am not mocking. I really do find this illuminating. You ARE an introject.
Fuck off.
Whelp, can't do. It's my brain in here and I ain't going anywhere.
Well, neither am I!!!
Ok, you are welcome to stay.
...
Relax. It's going to be ok.
... well now you're making me feel things :S
...and you don't like that?
NO! >:(
Ok.
What do you mean, "Ok."??? DO SOMETHING.
What should I do, according to your opinion?
ANYTHING
You just want to stress me out again.
Well, is it working?
No.
Hrmpfh.
I do have a question though: Where did you get the idea that I should be stressed and scared and upset and feel stupid?
What do you mean, where did I get the "idea"? It's not an idea! It's fact!
How so?
>:(
You're making me mad again!!! Just look at yourself!!! Of COURSE you're a failure and stupid and you can't take care of yourself!!!!
Oh. Ok. What should I do, then? Who should I go to for guidance?
Your parents. Of course. Don't be stupid. You're not a little child any more!
You seem to know a lot. What do you think my parents would advise me to do?
Shut up and listen. Know your place!
Sounds good. But... it's a bit abstract. What, concretely, does that mean? Like... should I move back to germany?
No. Just be a NORMAL PERSON. Fuck's sake!!!!
Yes, ok, and what would a normal person do? I thought looking up home insurance policies was quite the normal thing for me to be doing... and delegating the task of setting up the printer...
Don't you be funny with me. Ha ha.
I am serious. I do want to know what you mean by "normal"?
Stop all this.
Stop paying rent? :p
GRAAAH! You're driving me up the tree!!!
Well, you're being very evasive. What do you want me to do, I can't get a straight answer out of you. Please be reasonable.
Now you're just mocking me. Bye!
Ok, this introject isn't talking to me right now, but ki is still here and I still feel stressed out and everything. But I can manage.
This sounds like the voice of my mother. She wants me to fail unless I am "normal" and make her look good. I think by "normal", she and my introject mean "disconnected from myself and playing by the rules of toxic hierarchies" like the dysfunctional family we grew up in. I got the impression that this introject really hates that I try to make money by being a very unconventional, openly anarchist, life coach. Connecting to feelings and encouraging others to do so as well! Le Gasp!